Monday, December 19, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I hate my birthday. No disrespect to my mother because I think she feels badly when I say this, but I do. And at almost 28 years old I have failed to become more mature about it, stemming from, I believe, a deep seeded need that was unfulfilled during my childhood. My birthday is the 26th of December, yes the very day after Christmas. Do not misunderstand me, I love Christmas time, very much indeed but with this love comes also a deep disappointment with the day after, consequently the day of my birth. From when I was very young I never understood why I could not have parties on my birthday like all of the other kids. Why couldn't my friends come over and why couldn't we have a pool party? As I became older this was replaced by a deep frustration with the "Oh Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday" gift. I get you two separate gifts, I deserve that as well! I feel more as an after-thought to most, "Oh yeah it was your birthday like a week ago right? Happy Birthday." So when someone makes a valiant effort to remember my birthday it makes me very happy indeed. My friend Jessica did just that last night. She put together a little party in my honor. Nothing big or extravagant but nice and simple which suits me just fine. She took the time to remember and that is fantastic. Not only did she make the effort to learn that I dislike cake but LOVE cheesecake and so had one of those for dessert but she also got me a gift. :D She got me some bamboo!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special." -Jimmy Valvano "Don't give up....Don't ever give up." This speech was given by Jimmy Valvano at the 1993 ESPY awards shorty before his death after a battle with cancer. These words have been on my mind a great deal lately. Things are about to change a bit for me, and it's no secret I'm very bad at change. I'm scared and fearful of the unknown. But for once in my life I am not over-thinking things. I'm following my heart without thinking about what comes next or what I may be leaving behind or what chances I am taking. And I must say, so far I feel pretty good. I have taken a new job. Currently I work on the Medical/Oncology unit at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I have been there for five years. It has been my home for five years. I have formed lasting friendships and have learned a great deal. At times I have loved it, at times I have been brought to tears, both from happiness and from overwhelming frustration, and at times I have felt nothing at all. I have now taken a position at Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City on their immunocomprimised unit. I cannot begin to describe what it is I feel right now. I'm anxiously excited for this new change. I'm overwhelmingly terrified by this change. I am shaking with fear but calm at the same time. I'm a mass of contradiction. Regardless of all of these feelings I know that it is right. I know it's the right thing for me right now, whatever this may bring and whatever this may lead to it is the right direction. I have always subscribed to my own form of belief in "destiny." I feel that things happen for a reason. We go through life making choices and decisions and people and opportunities enter our lives when and where they should. This is how I feel right now. It was difficult getting to this point, and I'm sure it will not be easy from here on out, but it feels good and I'm excited for this new opportunity.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and everyday confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books. I read this book every December. I can't explain why. It is in no way a "holiday" book so to speak. However, there is something about it that screams hot chocolate, snow, and fireplace to me. Although at present time I have none of the above. Boo. Anyway, back on track. I actually did not read the book until I was in college. Strange I know. But the moment I picked it up, I was in love. Took me only two days to read. I often find myself relating to Elizabeth. Obviously I'm the heroine, right? We're both incredibly sarcastic, witty, and quick with the the opinionated comments. The eternal pessimist/realist within us dominates. Also the prospects of our ever marrying are slim to none, although she beats the odds. Regardless of these charming traits, we, Elizabeth and I, are at heart a sentimentalist. Though we rarely allow many to see this. So I begin to read again. I am only a few chapters in and I hear the British voices in my head, picture the English countryside and laugh aloud at the wit. I love starting out hating Mr. Darcy and then falling hopelessly in love with him. I love the twist of fate that gives Lydia and Mr. Wickham everything they want and deserve. Most of all I love how this book has become a part of me, a piece of me.