February 25, 2013

Place: Noitre Maisson Orphanage

Time 4:47pm EST

Song: I Need You Tonight-Backstreet boys

Today I went to the Noitre Maisson Orphanage to help teach the caregiver school.  We put together a curriculum and present it to caregivers so that they can teach and care for the children.  This specific orphanage cares for children with mental and physical disabilities.

What did I teach you ask?  You really want to know?  Well my topic today was range of motion.  Many of these children that have physical disabilities need a lot of physical therapy and work.   They end up with contractures and become severely deconditioned.  These children are incredible.  They’re amazingly sweet and loveable.  They want to play with you and want to be held and they’re so excited to see you.  They instantly grab a hold of your heart and they just don’t let go.  Two little girls instantly latched on to me and each time I went to set them down I was met with a lot of crying and clutching.  It’s heartbreaking; there is no other word for it.  This is not to the discredit of the caregivers.  They do the very best that they can, and they do a wonderful job.  I was impressed by their dedication to these children.  They had an eagerness to learn and apply the knowledge that they were receiving.  They asked questions regarding specific children and their specific ailments and what they could do to better care for them.  One thing these trips give me is hope.  In the midst of the poverty and the heartbreak you find people who still genuinely care for and love others.  As exaggerated as this may seem, I often find myself disenfranchised with the world and wondering if there are people out there that do things just because it’s the right thing to do; just because someone needs them.  They do it without a thought of “What’s in it for me?” or “What do I get out of this?”  Here I find these people.  I know they’re out there in my “own world” as well, I just need to be better and searching them out.

This is usually the hardest day for me out of everything that I do.  A couple of reasons make this one of my areas of struggle.  First, I hate teaching.  I’ve been told I’m rather good at it, but I definitely do not feel that way.  It’ is simply something that’s difficult for me.  So I should probably work at it eh?!  I don’t know whether it’s feelings of inadequacy or self-consciousness but I feel ill qualified.  Which I know is ironic because I’m trained and I have a degree so I should feel in some way able to teach something to these people.  Regardless, every time I go, I have bouts of anxiety.  A second reason this is difficult for me is I arrive and I see these children and I see all of the things that they need and require and I want to help them and provide for them all of these things for them, whether these needs be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.  I can come and provide teaching and foundations but I always leave feeling a little bit empty because I know that there is so much more that needs to be done.  I say it every year but it is always a challenge to reconcile oneself with those feelings of “not doing enough” or of inadequacy.  It is definitely a challenge to convince yourself that you’ve done enough, that you’ve given all you can and that that is okay.  I consistently struggle with those feelings.  I constantly ask myself “What have I really done?” “Did what I do matter?”  “Did it make a difference?” 

P.S. I lose something every time I come here.  My first year is was a pair of shoes, last year I left my stethoscope in one of the vans and this year I’ve already lost my water bottle, I left it on the bus….again.